- Music:"The Widow" The Mars Volta
I rewrote the prologue of my novel into a short story for creative writing. This is the ending (and beginning) of a story four years in the making. Enjoy! Opinions are very welcome.
________________________________________
She had seen him walk down the isle two years ago and could barely stand to look at him then. Now she was looking down at her own white dress. She was thinking back to moments ago when she had cried all during the eternal walk through the church. She did not want to look up at this man. It was not him. It was not Takeo.
Now she was afraid to look up. They could probably see right through her. The man before her could possibly identify the root of her tears as cries of pure despair. She had to make a smile. Take deep breaths.
In between her racing thoughts, she heard Corey say softly with determination and a smile, “I do.”
She shut her eyes tightly, still looking down. She imagined the veil as her bubble. But then, she thought, she must look up or they will know- all of them.
Now they awaited her answer. She took another deep breath and slowly let her eyes slide up to glance at Takeo, who was standing at Corey’s left. Then, with as little hesitation as she could bear, she looked into Corey’s boyish, bright blue eyes and spoke those lethal words. When the words came out, the sound bounced off the marble pillars and landed into the audience’s ears perfectly and delicately. She knew then that they had all fallen for her sweetened lips.
Man and wife. What about best man and wife? The thought of the priest saying such a ridiculous pair of words made her smile as Corey lifted the veil. She did not even have to lean forward- he did that for her. Then a gentle whisper in her ear.
“I love you, Catherine.” She loved him too. She loved his best friend so much more.
This was serious now. Catherine felt trapped by the eyes that watched her. She could not think. If she did they would know they were causing her to go mad inside. Her heart was racing so much she felt as if she was going to vomit all of her insides, spilling them over her dress and staining her false life.
Now the reception. All eyes on the blissful new couple. Why did such a white day seem so pitch black to her? She needed it to end. Her life was a puzzle and had now been scattered across the universe. It was simply impossible to be happy now.
After the limo ride, the dancing, the cake; she found time to sit alone and watch her husband dance with his endearing mother. She could not help but let her eyes carefully wander to the rest of the room, searching for the best man.
They had ceased to speak a few months ago. He had developed a coldness to her, pushing her away for reasons completely unknown to her. Corey did not see her mood change when he left her busy with all of the wedding plans ‘the wife should do.’ This wedding business kept Catherine distracted; kept her from crying hysterically. Now that the wedding was done and all was settling, she had already begun mourning the downfall of her life.
Takeo was sitting in the middle of three young women. One reminded her of herself when she was younger, a time when she was innocently, obliviously happy. A time she could barely remember.
‘Takeo’s wife had died a year and a half ago in another country. Of course he is more than available now…’ she justified to herself.
She could not stand it.
Then Catherine noticed, as the string quartet’s sweet sound died away, her face had grown hot with anger. However, what she did not know was that Corey had spotted her staring at his devoted friend. He quickly rushed out of the room unseen.
That was when she shut her eyes, going crazy with the battle against her tears once again. She wanted to leave now. She thought of the convenience of how the reception hall was placed on a cliff overlooking the ocean.
Finally, she rushed out of the hall into the night, telling others she needed a breath of air alone.
However, he had spotted her leaving and she was unaware of it.
She was running now, tripping over her dress, barely even holding herself up. Hearing the music playing from the violins inside made her increase speed. She knew that her destination would be the bluff not too far ahead. The music from the building behind her began to fade and she could hear the sound of her death approaching fast. The sound was the black ocean water crashing onto the rocks below the bluff; a decent fall, she thought. She found her sobbing was much louder as she heard it above the
harsh noise of the ocean.
He had followed her quietly, though, wondering what could have put her in such a state, secretly denying the fact that he knew.
Catherine walked carefully towards the end of the bluff and, finally, fell to the ground at the edge. Her hands grasped the dirt and her eyes were set on the body of water below. Her face was wet with her own tears and the strong winds tried to pry her deep brown hair from sticking to her cheeks. The makeup she wore was long washed away. She did not know how long she was running for, or how long her eyes lingered on the shadow below her. One single sentence repeated in her mind, and that is all she could comprehend for as long as she was running and as long as her eyes were lingering.
He began to approach the bluff, trying to stay as quiet as he could.
She brought her eyes up to look at the stars. There was so much darkness before her, it was a temptation. She closed her eyes and whispered what she wanted to be her last words, “Everything is a lie.”
“N-no. What are you doing, Catherine?” He was in disbelief at her actions, with a hint of guilt.
She whipped around, though his voice was barely heard over the noise; but even if she did not hear what he said, she could still recognize who it was. Her hair stuck all over her face now, so much so that she was hardly discernible. When she saw the shadow of his slender figure five feet away from her, she felt angry and ecstatic simultaneously. She looked down at her hands, not knowing how to respond.
He carefully started walking towards her.
Immediately she was shouting, raising her hand to him as to halt him, shaking uncontrollably, “No! Stop! Please, Takeo, I need to do this.”
She watched him raise his hands to his head, gripping his black hair until it hurt, a habit he had whenever under pressure. He wanted to jump-start his ideas for solving his situation. Instead he found himself not able to comprehend the problem at hand. Then he let his hands fall to his sides, “I just don’t understand. You are happy, right? I really thought you were-“
“You couldn’t understand, Takeo. You could never understand. I built my life around a lie. My entire life is a lie, a waste of breathing!” She shook her head, looking to the ground once again.
“Wha- what would ever make you think that?” Could he have pushed her over the edge so much to make her want to do this? Catherine could not see his guilt overwhelm him, though it did not matter to her now.
"I loved you, Takeo! Did you ever- ever- think of that?!" She was practically screaming now, waving her hands and pulling at her hair, all the while smiling at how oblivious he was to the feelings left hidden all her life. She felt even more like she was going crazy. She finally confessed. What was he going to say to her in attempt to stop her now?
He covered his face with his hands for a long time. Pulling his hands down, his eyes and face were red in the moonlight.
"I love you, Catherine. Didn't you see? Ever since I first saw you, Catherine." He was smiling as he began to approach her again, "I am so sorry for pushing you away..."
"Ta-Takeo...? No... please. Don't come any closer, Takeo. Takeo!" She fought him away as he kneeled down towards her, but his arms and his determination were too strong for her to resist.
He was holding her close. He had held her before- when she was hurt or when she cried. This was different. He held her just as close as any of those times, but somehow it also seemed like they were gripping for life. She sobbed into his suit, clutching the material and smelling his cologne, melting and growing tired. He stroked her hair until finally he whispered, "Let's get away from here."
Catherine looked up at him with a new glimmering hope that reflected his face in her blue eyes, "How? Where? What about the others?"
"Everything is going to work out. We will work it out together, but when we get out of this place." She nodded, remembering instantly all of her love for him, coming back to her full-force. He helped her stand up, for her state left her weak in the knees.
"Takeo." A man called his name from behind him. Takeo turned around as he heard Catherine gasp and grasp his arms tighter. Catherine’s heart sped faster and she felt her shaking return. Then a quick, deafening noise rang through the sound of the ocean and the night. She felt a numbing pain and she gripped her chest. Time began to rush through the moments before her until, before she even realized, her eyes were looking up at the sky, growing farther and farther away from it. Her eyes were closing but she could not stop it. Finally, Catherine let go, envisioning the image of a young Takeo offering her a plush with a soft smile at a summer fair. Her lips curled even though her body was being enveloped in water.
He covered his face with his hands for a long time. Pulling his hands down, his eyes and face were red in the moonlight.
"I love you, Catherine. Didn't you see? Ever since I first saw you, Catherine." He was smiling as he began to approach her again, "I am so sorry for pushing you away..."
"Ta-Takeo...? No... please. Don't come any closer, Takeo. Takeo!" She fought him away as he kneeled down towards her, but his arms and his determination were too strong for her to resist.
He was holding her close. He had held her before- when she was hurt or when she cried. This was different. He held her just as close as any of those times, but somehow it also seemed like they were gripping for life. She sobbed into his suit, clutching the material and smelling his cologne, melting and growing tired. He stroked her hair until finally he whispered, "Let's get away from here."
Catherine looked up at him with a new glimmering hope that reflected his face in her blue eyes, "How? Where? What about the others?"
"Everything is going to work out. We will work it out together, but when we get out of this place." She nodded, remembering instantly all of her love for him, coming back to her full-force. He helped her stand up, for her state left her weak in the knees.
"Takeo." A man called his name from behind him. Takeo turned around as he heard Catherine gasp and grasp his arms tighter. Catherine’s heart sped faster and she felt her shaking return. Then a quick, deafening noise rang through the sound of the ocean and the night. She felt a numbing pain and she gripped her chest. Time began to rush through the moments before her until, before she even realized, her eyes were looking up at the sky, growing farther and farther away from it. Her eyes were closing but she could not stop it. Finally, Catherine let go, envisioning the image of a young Takeo offering her a plush with a soft smile at a summer fair. Her lips curled even though her body was being enveloped in water.
Takeo had raised his hand out to grab her. His legs just did not move fast enough. He looked back at his best friend, Corey, instantly, feeling all of his anger for this man surface finally for the first time in his entire life. This man was a thief.
"I had to. You must understand. She was- Takeo? What are you doing...?" Corey watched Takeo turn away from him slowly and dive into the abyss below. He did not understand. Takeo could no longer live without her close to him. All he could see when he closed his eyes were her eyes looking at him in terror as she fell backwards moments before he himself dove after her.
- Location:Room in Chicopee
- Mood:
excited - Music:Corinne Bailey Rae, "Enchantment"
Hanging out with Sahar tonight...........! I'm in a twilight zone.
Spring break with Chris!!! <3 A week of rock band, eternal sonata, anime, et cetera.......... and then ANIME BOSTON. I am sooooooo fucking excited. Even if my costume doesn't come in time. It's 3 days of anime stuff, nice hotel, 24/7 gaming room, the pillows, kareoke......... omg.
Oh my god I'm like a little girl.
Pointless entry....... but I'm bored. Can't wait for this week to begin.
- Mood:
enthralled - Music:"The Perfect Drug"
- Mood:
artistic
Round One: I successfully dodge Life with my good dodging skills.
Round Two: With my decent biting and scratching skills, I actually pin the monster down and win this one. Happiness and satisfaction.
Round Three: I get killed by Life. I'd rather not speak of my defeat.
"What a year and what a devoted crowd! The end was rather expected, correct? She almost had me going in round two- now Life has shown her what she gets for trying to kick it's ass!!"
Now it's 2008 and I'm back for another try.
________________________________________
At the end of the month Yarni-kun goes off into the Army. I'm probably never going to see him again after that. Enough said.
Sadness this vacation.
I have also been hardcore looking for a job. Equally frustrating.
- Mood:
discontent - Music:Crystal Kay, "Motherland"
Yes, life just got a whole lot more stressful.
- Mood:
aggravated
Masque: December 7th.
Anyhoooow........... I figure I expect too much from people. If I don't expect things then maybe what I was originally expecting will happen? I don't know. I guess I don't want to control things that I could possibly have a say in. Or I should except how people are...? That could be key.
Anyhow, my voice is shot today. I don't think the Cave Monster enjoys my singing much. Eh, It's not that big of a deal. You can't win every battle :)
I had a very very comfortable night here. I wish I had no other commitments to keep me from being here.
Eh... nothing much else I can think of. I had a whole plan of what to write in my head, but I forgot most of it by the time I got in front of teh screen. I should write stuff down!
- Mood:
content - Music:Disgaea 2 background music dood!
Today was an amazing day. Maybe it was all the caffeine that is now making me say that, but I feel really good about life for once. Even if I was unprepared completely for classes today and I have been up since 4am and Chris was very cranky a few moments ago and I definitely annoyed Justin in Psychology and I need to find a better job and I need to learn how to drive still, I still feel like I am on top of the world. I have amazing friends and I meet amazing people all the time and I have the most amazing man in my life. I am looking forward to that thing I am getting in January that may fix some of my problems that I have been dealing with for the past year.
I find myself, as I walk through the halls, looking for someone. Who it is varies, but I don't really know why, though for some reason I am. I imagine different people and how I would react and how they would react if they saw me. It's an interesting ordeal. I think I miss my old friends, but there is really now way to really be able to see them much any more. I think if I wanted to see them, I would want to see them as I knew them, and I doubt that is possible anymore. They've changed so much, some of them. I miss them, though. I wish I savored my time with who they were then. Isn't that a peculiar thought??
I can't wait to sing tomorrow.
- Mood: hyper
- Music:Clazziquai, "You Never Know"
Once again I find myself with this question: "is it always 'or,' is it never 'and'?" Some of my favorite lyrics from a song.
Life is okay as of late. Though I find that people hide more from me than what I thought. That is disappointing... is it trust? Is it fear? Is it pure laziness? I don't know, but it makes me sad and in an even worse shape than I was to begin with. Now it's all about putting on the fake smile. None of you really know it because I am just that good. I can hide from you people, too.
Anyway, back to the better stuff in life. The Masquerade ball will be a lot of fun- I am making it my better prom because all of my really good friends will be there and I'll have someone with me I look forward to being with- the entire night, that is ^__^ I really can't wait.
So today I finally got to practice the duet with Heather and Ellen and Jim, which was very rewarding. It is coming together so nicely and I am so excited to sing it before my peers. Steve said that I seem older when I sing. I take that as a compliment. :)
DECEMBER 10TH!!!! So pumped. You better be there.
"Even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an 's' on my chest, oh yes- I am a super woman- yes I am"
- Mood: annoyed
- Music:Alicia Keys, "Wreckless Love"
"Hi. I randomly stumbled onto your page. I saw that we are going to be going to the same school, HCC heh. Also we have a lot of the same interests. Would like to chat sometime. "
Rollerblading was fun. What a great weekend this was.... with you.
Almost as good as Montague. That is a real compliment.
I hope you never change like they did.
When I wake up and see you........ I can't describe how I feel.
These mornings are golden.
- Mood: happy
Why am I in a cleaning mood?
I don't want to take love for granted. It might not always be there when I need it most...
No more fake smiles. They're all real for you. YOU. The duck who is a handsome swan in my eyes- perfect in every which-way it gracefully swims. All my smiles conjured by the soft, furry, yellow duck with soft lips and shining green eyes and cute little freckles.
It is such a lovely way how everything comes together. Today was a taste of heaven I wish I had the luxury to eat whole.
Make me laugh again, dear...
Io sonno prigionera.
- Mood:
loved - Music:Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody"
Ha! I laugh in the face of fear!
.............I've learned so much, yet learned so little. I've earned so much.... and yes, I do think that in some aspects I haven't ever earned as much as I think I have.
Our skin will give out soon. We will melt away.
Reparation? Now, do you think I believe in that?? :P
- Mood: calm
- Music:Third Eye Blind, "Motorcycle Drive By"
I'll miss the confusion a little. I wonder how things will turn about.
- Location:A house too familiar
- Mood:
drained - Music:Mariah Carey, "Against All Odds"
Do you think we can, Doctor??
Ah, the noble prize will be won.
- Mood:
contemplative - Music:Tracy Bonham, "Naked"
When his fingers curl around my lonely hand it brings me an infinite comfort I cannot describe.
I need to hear a certain something. Until then I will always feel second best. They can call me amazing and beautiful, but I still have a thought in the back of my head that I won't be the one who truly wins their hearts. Their hearts will always belong to someone else and that is that. Is it true? Tell me.
I struggle to be unique. I struggle to give my all. I don't try too hard, of course, but I don't think I will ever get the others' 'all.' I don't know. Things just don't feel right because I need to hear those words.
I just have to get this doubt out of my mind.
- Mood: cheerful
- Music:Destiny's Child, "Say My Name"
A light blinded my curious eyes
He sensed in me my misery
He roused in me a lovery
With his tricks in knives and cards
He tore my body apart with lies.
When the audienced shrieked
Nobody can make me scream but he
But he casted a spell with smoke
and his heart disappeared and froze.
Then he stood me before a mirror
Placed his hands over my face
Conjured an illusion in his rough touch
That reflected a woman bound in black lace.
Behind his heavy, royal curtain
My very being is enveloped in gold-
I am the rabbit that scratches and bites
I am the infinite of colors up his sleeves
I may be under a curse of endless passionate nights,
But it is the thrill of this morbid show that he craves.
- Location:QSA Room!
- Mood: artistic
- Music:Someone singing "Dangerously in Love"
I really would like to have a diary to exchange with someone. Then maybe I can stop typing indirect things directly.
His arms make the dragon's cold heart melt away. It is an amazing miracle. He just needs to hold me more. ^__^
- Mood: enjoying me-time!
- Music:Something Corporate, "She Paints Me Blue"
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