Her Blog

adriannadee @ 2008-07-25T20:55:00

2008-07-26T01:55:26Z

I work at six flags. It's pretty cool.

adriannadee @ 2008-07-23T00:54:00

2008-07-23T04:54:23Z

mmmm jager

The sun and moon rises in his eyes.

2008-05-11T16:51:15Z

Sooooooo Ensemble concert this Tuesday (May 13) at 7 in the HCC forum. Should be pretty great- Some deserving people have some great solos, including me. Come if you love music! ^.~

The Silver Lining

2008-04-13T19:11:37Z

I rewrote the prologue of my novel into a short story for creative writing. This is the ending (and beginning) of a story four years in the making. Enjoy! Opinions are very welcome.

____________________________________________________________________________

She had seen him walk down the isle two years ago and could barely stand to look at him then. Now she was looking down at her own white dress. She was thinking back to moments ago when she had cried all during the eternal walk through the church. She did not want to look up at this man. It was not him. It was not Takeo.

Now she was afraid to look up. They could probably see right through her. The man before her could possibly identify the root of her tears as cries of pure despair. She had to make a smile. Take deep breaths.

In between her racing thoughts, she heard Corey say softly with determination and a smile, “I do.”

She shut her eyes tightly, still looking down. She imagined the veil as her bubble. But then, she thought, she must look up or they will know- all of them.

Now they awaited her answer. She took another deep breath and slowly let her eyes slide up to glance at Takeo, who was standing at Corey’s left. Then, with as little hesitation as she could bear, she looked into Corey’s boyish, bright blue eyes and spoke those lethal words. When the words came out, the sound bounced off the marble pillars and landed into the audience’s ears perfectly and delicately. She knew then that they had all fallen for her sweetened lips.

Man and wife. What about best man and wife? The thought of the priest saying such a ridiculous pair of words made her smile as Corey lifted the veil. She did not even have to lean forward- he did that for her. Then a gentle whisper in her ear.

“I love you, Catherine.” She loved him too. She loved his best friend so much more.

This was serious now. Catherine felt trapped by the eyes that watched her. She could not think. If she did they would know they were causing her to go mad inside. Her heart was racing so much she felt as if she was going to vomit all of her insides, spilling them over her dress and staining her false life.

Now the reception. All eyes on the blissful new couple. Why did such a white day seem so pitch black to her? She needed it to end. Her life was a puzzle and had now been scattered across the universe. It was simply impossible to be happy now.

After the limo ride, the dancing, the cake; she found time to sit alone and watch her husband dance with his endearing mother. She could not help but let her eyes carefully wander to the rest of the room, searching for the best man.

They had ceased to speak a few months ago. He had developed a coldness to her, pushing her away for reasons completely unknown to her. Corey did not see her mood change when he left her busy with all of the wedding plans ‘the wife should do.’ This wedding business kept Catherine distracted; kept her from crying hysterically. Now that the wedding was done and all was settling, she had already begun mourning the downfall of her life.

Takeo was sitting in the middle of three young women. One reminded her of herself when she was younger, a time when she was innocently, obliviously happy. A time she could barely remember.

‘Takeo’s wife had died a year and a half ago in another country. Of course he is more than available now…’ she justified to herself.

She could not stand it.

Then Catherine noticed, as the string quartet’s sweet sound died away, her face had grown hot with anger. However, what she did not know was that Corey had spotted her staring at his devoted friend. He quickly rushed out of the room unseen.

That was when she shut her eyes, going crazy with the battle against her tears once again. She wanted to leave now. She thought of the convenience of how the reception hall was placed on a cliff overlooking the ocean.

Finally, she rushed out of the hall into the night, telling others she needed a breath of air alone.

However, he had spotted her leaving and she was unaware of it.

She was running now, tripping over her dress, barely even holding herself up. Hearing the music playing from the violins inside made her increase speed. She knew that her destination would be the bluff not too far ahead. The music from the building behind her began to fade and she could hear the sound of her death approaching fast. The sound was the black ocean water crashing onto the rocks below the bluff; a decent fall, she thought. She found her sobbing was much louder as she heard it above the

harsh noise of the ocean.

He had followed her quietly, though, wondering what could have put her in such a state, secretly denying the fact that he knew.

Catherine walked carefully towards the end of the bluff and, finally, fell to the ground at the edge. Her hands grasped the dirt and her eyes were set on the body of water below. Her face was wet with her own tears and the strong winds tried to pry her deep brown hair from sticking to her cheeks. The makeup she wore was long washed away. She did not know how long she was running for, or how long her eyes lingered on the shadow below her. One single sentence repeated in her mind, and that is all she could comprehend for as long as she was running and as long as her eyes were lingering.

He began to approach the bluff, trying to stay as quiet as he could.

She brought her eyes up to look at the stars. There was so much darkness before her, it was a temptation. She closed her eyes and whispered what she wanted to be her last words, “Everything is a lie.”

“N-no. What are you doing, Catherine?” He was in disbelief at her actions, with a hint of guilt.

She whipped around, though his voice was barely heard over the noise; but even if she did not hear what he said, she could still recognize who it was. Her hair stuck all over her face now, so much so that she was hardly discernible. When she saw the shadow of his slender figure five feet away from her, she felt angry and ecstatic simultaneously. She looked down at her hands, not knowing how to respond.

He carefully started walking towards her.

Immediately she was shouting, raising her hand to him as to halt him, shaking uncontrollably, “No! Stop! Please, Takeo, I need to do this.”

She watched him raise his hands to his head, gripping his black hair until it hurt, a habit he had whenever under pressure. He wanted to jump-start his ideas for solving his situation. Instead he found himself not able to comprehend the problem at hand. Then he let his hands fall to his sides, “I just don’t understand. You are happy, right? I really thought you were-“

“You couldn’t understand, Takeo. You could never understand. I built my life around a lie. My entire life is a lie, a waste of breathing!” She shook her head, looking to the ground once again.

“Wha- what would ever make you think that?” Could he have pushed her over the edge so much to make her want to do this? Catherine could not see his guilt overwhelm him, though it did not matter to her now.

          "I loved you, Takeo! Did you ever- ever- think of that?!" She was practically screaming now, waving her hands and pulling at her hair, all the while smiling at how oblivious he was to the feelings left hidden all her life. She felt even more like she was going crazy. She finally confessed. What was he going to say to her in attempt to stop her now?

     He covered his face with his hands for a long time. Pulling his hands down, his eyes and face were red in the moonlight.

     "I love you, Catherine. Didn't you see? Ever since I first saw you, Catherine." He was smiling as he began to approach her again, "I am so sorry for pushing you away..."

     "Ta-Takeo...? No... please. Don't come any closer, Takeo. Takeo!" She fought him away as he kneeled down towards her, but his arms and his determination were too strong for her to resist.

     He was holding her close. He had held her before- when she was hurt or when she cried. This was different. He held her just as close as any of those times, but somehow it also seemed like they were gripping for life. She sobbed into his suit, clutching the material and smelling his cologne, melting and growing tired. He stroked her hair until finally he whispered, "Let's get away from here."

     Catherine looked up at him with a new glimmering hope that reflected his face in her blue eyes, "How? Where? What about the others?"

     "Everything is going to work out. We will work it out together, but when we get out of this place." She nodded, remembering instantly all of her love for him, coming back to her full-force. He helped her stand up, for her state left her weak in the knees.

     "Takeo." A man called his name from behind him. Takeo turned around as he heard Catherine gasp and grasp his arms tighter. Catherine’s heart sped faster and she felt her shaking return. Then a quick, deafening noise rang through the sound of the ocean and the night. She felt a numbing pain and she gripped her chest. Time began to rush through the moments before her until, before she even realized, her eyes were looking up at the sky, growing farther and farther away from it. Her eyes were closing but she could not stop it. Finally, Catherine let go, envisioning the image of a young Takeo offering her a plush with a soft smile at a summer fair. Her lips curled even though her body was being enveloped in water.

Takeo had raised his hand out to grab her. His legs just did not move fast enough. He looked back at his best friend, Corey, instantly, feeling all of his anger for this man surface finally for the first time in his entire life. This man was a thief.

"I had to. You must understand. She was- Takeo? What are you doing...?" Corey watched Takeo turn away from him slowly and dive into the abyss below. He did not understand. Takeo could no longer live without her close to him. All he could see when he closed his eyes were her eyes looking at him in terror as she fell backwards moments before he himself dove after her.

Looking up

2008-03-15T12:57:11Z

I am do deep into love I can hardly breathe. It's amazing.

Hanging out with Sahar tonight...........! I'm in a twilight zone.

Spring break with Chris!!! <3 A week of rock band, eternal sonata, anime, et cetera.......... and then ANIME BOSTON. I am sooooooo fucking excited. Even if my costume doesn't come in time. It's 3 days of anime stuff, nice hotel, 24/7 gaming room, the pillows, kareoke......... omg.

Oh my god I'm like a little girl.

Pointless entry....... but I'm bored. Can't wait for this week to begin.

adriannadee @ 2008-02-08T15:09:00

2008-02-08T21:10:29Z

benediiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiictus

Letters To You

2008-01-07T00:03:10Z

"We have a match for you today, ladies and gents! This time in the boxing ring is a towering being at 10'3 who reaks of the stench of the blood of many, in this corner..... Life!" (Crowd cheers) "Now our champion's opponent.... Is this a joke? A female who weighs 101 at the height of 5'1 who's only real defenses are her claws and her teeth.... Adrianna!" (Crowd boos and throws tomatos)

Round One: I successfully dodge Life with my good dodging skills.
Round Two: With my decent biting and scratching skills, I actually pin the monster down and win this one. Happiness and satisfaction.
Round Three: I get killed by Life. I'd rather not speak of my defeat.

"What a year and what a devoted crowd! The end was rather expected, correct? She almost had me going in round two- now Life has shown her what she gets for trying to kick it's ass!!"

Now it's 2008 and I'm back for another try.

_____________________________________________________________________________

At the end of the month Yarni-kun goes off into the Army. I'm probably never going to see him again after that. Enough said.

Sadness this vacation.

I have also been hardcore looking for a job. Equally frustrating.

adriannadee @ 2007-12-18T10:01:00

2007-12-18T15:03:35Z

Wow. Interesting.

Yes, life just got a whole lot more stressful.

So the world can never find you....

2007-11-28T21:48:55Z

Correction: I always get it mixed up, but the Concert is December 11th at 7:30. Like I said, you better go!

Masque: December 7th.

Anyhoooow........... I figure I expect too much from people. If I don't expect things then maybe what I was originally expecting will happen? I don't know. I guess I don't want to control things that I could possibly have a say in. Or I should except how people are...? That could be key.

Anyhow, my voice is shot today. I don't think the Cave Monster enjoys my singing much. Eh, It's not that big of a deal. You can't win every battle :)

I had a very very comfortable night here. I wish I had no other commitments to keep me from being here.

Eh... nothing much else I can think of. I had a whole plan of what to write in my head, but I forgot most of it by the time I got in front of teh screen. I should write stuff down!

And the winner is...

2007-11-27T20:11:08Z

It's amazing what a lil' communication can do. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but Jamil and I had a heavy talk a week or two ago about the end of our romantic relationship back in August. Do you know why it ended? I know for sure now- It ended all on a humongous misunderstanding. Isn't that amazing? Communication is key, people. I was talking to a 30 year-old lesbian about how she needs to talk to her fiance about her insecurities because I had them, too. I don't think they're as bad now, but I think it is amusing how wise I am when it comes to that stuff. I love giving advice. Her fiance was so nice, too.

Today was an amazing day. Maybe it was all the caffeine that is now making me say that, but I feel really good about life for once. Even if I was unprepared completely for classes today and I have been up since 4am and Chris was very cranky a few moments ago and I definitely annoyed Justin in Psychology and I need to find a better job and I need to learn how to drive still, I still feel like I am on top of the world. I have amazing friends and I meet amazing people all the time and I have the most amazing man in my life. I am looking forward to that thing I am getting in January that may fix some of my problems that I have been dealing with for the past year.

I find myself, as I walk through the halls, looking for someone. Who it is varies, but I don't really know why, though for some reason I am. I imagine different people and how I would react and how they would react if they saw me. It's an interesting ordeal. I think I miss my old friends, but there is really now way to really be able to see them much any more. I think if I wanted to see them, I would want to see them as I knew them, and I doubt that is possible anymore. They've changed so much, some of them. I miss them, though. I wish I savored my time with who they were then. Isn't that a peculiar thought??

I can't wait to sing tomorrow.

Superwoman

2007-11-26T21:20:08Z

Alicia Keys' new album is amazing. I wish I could own it for real.

Once again I find myself with this question: "is it always 'or,' is it never 'and'?" Some of my favorite lyrics from a song.

Life is okay as of late. Though I find that people hide more from me than what I thought. That is disappointing... is it trust? Is it fear? Is it pure laziness? I don't know, but it makes me sad and in an even worse shape than I was to begin with. Now it's all about putting on the fake smile. None of you really know it because I am just that good. I can hide from you people, too.

Anyway, back to the better stuff in life. The Masquerade ball will be a lot of fun- I am making it my better prom because all of my really good friends will be there and I'll have someone with me I look forward to being with- the entire night, that is ^__^ I really can't wait.

So today I finally got to practice the duet with Heather and Ellen and Jim, which was very rewarding. It is coming together so nicely and I am so excited to sing it before my peers. Steve said that I seem older when I sing. I take that as a compliment. :)

DECEMBER 10TH!!!! So pumped. You better be there.

"Even when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an 's' on my chest, oh yes- I am a super woman- yes I am"

You and me

2007-10-21T18:33:30Z

"Hi. I randomly stumbled onto your page. I saw that we are going to be going to the same school, HCC heh. Also we have a lot of the same interests. Would like to chat sometime. "

Rollerblading was fun. What a great weekend this was.... with you.
Almost as good as Montague. That is a real compliment.

I hope you never change like they did.

When I wake up and see you........ I can't describe how I feel.

These mornings are golden.

adriannadee @ 2007-10-18T16:49:00

2007-10-18T20:50:36Z

I hate being a dragon lady.

Why am I in a cleaning mood?

I don't want to take love for granted. It might not always be there when I need it most...

The Hurricane's Deep Green Eyes

2007-10-16T03:46:28Z

"See the nails? Yes, I used to be sketchy!"

No more fake smiles. They're all real for you. YOU. The duck who is a handsome swan in my eyes- perfect in every which-way it gracefully swims. All my smiles conjured by the soft, furry, yellow duck with soft lips and shining green eyes and cute little freckles.

It is such a lovely way how everything comes together. Today was a taste of heaven I wish I had the luxury to eat whole.

Make me laugh again, dear...

Io sonno prigionera.

Here goes....

2007-10-15T00:02:58Z

So, King of the Seven Deadly Sins, what would you like to do now? We've walked through fires all our lives without a single burn and now we are at a crossroads that marks the possible end of our destruction.

Ha! I laugh in the face of fear!

.............I've learned so much, yet learned so little. I've earned so much.... and yes, I do think that in some aspects I haven't ever earned as much as I think I have.

Our skin will give out soon. We will melt away.

Reparation? Now, do you think I believe in that?? :P

adriannadee @ 2007-10-07T19:36:00

2007-10-07T23:41:08Z

The world is evening itself out finally.... Will there finally be a balance in my life? Smooth-sailing?

I'll miss the confusion a little. I wonder how things will turn about.

Another You

2007-10-01T00:15:17Z

Let's put our heads together to find a koala bear exactly like this one: beautiful, a part of nature, perfect, cuddly, pure in its own, special way; and mysteriously intelligent.

Do you think we can, Doctor??

Ah, the noble prize will be won.

The Best of Me

2007-09-28T21:39:15Z

When his fingers curl around my lonely hand it brings me an infinite comfort I cannot describe.

I need to hear a certain something. Until then I will always feel second best. They can call me amazing and beautiful, but I still have a thought in the back of my head that I won't be the one who truly wins their hearts. Their hearts will always belong to someone else and that is that. Is it true? Tell me.

I struggle to be unique. I struggle to give my all. I don't try too hard, of course, but I don't think I will ever get the others' 'all.' I don't know. Things just don't feel right because I need to hear those words.

I just have to get this doubt out of my mind.

The Magician

2007-09-24T15:21:35Z

I stepped inside before he summoned me
A light blinded my curious eyes
He sensed in me my misery
He roused in me a lovery
With his tricks in knives and cards
He tore my body apart with lies.

When the audienced shrieked
Nobody can make me scream but he
But he casted a spell with smoke
and his heart disappeared and froze.

Then he stood me before a mirror
Placed his hands over my face
Conjured an illusion in his rough touch
That reflected a woman bound in black lace.

Behind his heavy, royal curtain
My very being is enveloped in gold-
I am the rabbit that scratches and bites
I am the infinite of colors up his sleeves
I may be under a curse of endless passionate nights,
But it is the thrill of this morbid show that he craves.

And you give yourself away...

2007-09-24T01:35:13Z

Have you realized yet that she needs you, too? No one can ever change that though she tries.

I really would like to have a diary to exchange with someone. Then maybe I can stop typing indirect things directly.

His arms make the dragon's cold heart melt away. It is an amazing miracle. He just needs to hold me more. ^__^

The Pencil Scrapes the Papyrus

2007-09-21T03:45:47Z

In another time, in another place, you woke up besides Cleopatra in a dimly lit stone tomb. She is dead now, and in the death of night your mind raises the roaming charges.

It occurs to you that hearing what the goddess dare ordered be the absolute truth. But still the money is in the thousands and a plane of miles on high seems so far away. She gracefully moved away- ran away- from the slave as he moved his hand up her thigh. But he is not a slave, no- he harnesses the power of a dark desire you only find in the stars.

She has found her shining thing. Dim to you. Still you think you can't live "with or without" her. She can't live with or without you and you know it well.

It's easy for a mortal to be lonely. So when you are stuck with a lightened screen in front of you with a longing, read this as if it were your favorite novel. She will always be there for you and will think of you and only you as the most perfect being that ever walked the earth. Always.

A chemistry in a chemistry. Two elements reacting to each other in perfection. Easily found and held on to. Watch them dissolve into one another.

Then you decide to attempt to write your epiphany on the only piece of papyrus. The pencil is weak and you are unable to convey them to anyone. No one but I.

~Your Goddess~

Spin Around Me Like a Dream...

2007-09-16T07:19:03Z

A man won my heart recently. I gave it to him and he is sewing it back together. In turn, my life takes a turn or three for the sky. I can bathe in it.

I can't help but grin. Utterly amazing- I've missed this feeling completed. Completely mine it will stay.

Oh, "good nights" are so much harder when his kisses taste like a wildly beautiful explosion of perfection. Like a scene. Like flowers draping the eyes' view of an infinite field.

Catch me...

adriannadee @ 2007-09-12T22:29:00

2007-09-13T03:30:58Z

The plot thickens.

Happiness in my Grasp

2007-09-03T06:17:35Z

There is one person in this entire world who blesses me with the kind of bliss of which I rarely get. Nathan Stearley is the best man I have ever have had as a companion in my life. Yes, he is gay- but if he were straight, I would have married the man already. Hanging out with him and his boyfriend, Fabio (Yes, that is his real name), was a great time that I miss having with my old buddies. Eh- by olde buddies, I mean Sam, Sahar, Stearley, Anthony- I have known all of them in a span of four to twelve years, which is absolutely mind-blowing. Anyhow, we went to a Portuguese Festa and then rented some movies to watch and then cuddled on the comfiest couch I have ever been on. Oh and we ate good Chinese food! It was amazing.

By the way, I just passed driving school. It was fun for some parts. Boring for most. I wrote two poems and one short story along with a drawing on every page used for the notes I wrote. Good ones, too. Talked to old friends from high school, which was entertaining.

But why do I have to be such a humongous flirt? It is pretty bad. I think people are judging me based on this one quality of mine and it is fucking upsetting. I can't help it, god knows I try. I am done with these people, though. Now that school starts, I get to meet better people and maybe get to hang out with Stearley and Yarni more.

I love my friends so so much. They will never break my heart as the others do.

~Adrianna

"Sento che ci salvera" ... I think those are the right lyrics.

A Second Letter to My Soul

2007-08-29T21:50:36Z

So I finally found some other fairly decent poems that I have written in the past year or so. They're less depressing, I promise!

"The Last Need" (This one doesn't really flow and is kinda everywhere- I think I wrote it three years ago for my best friend of eleven years, Sahar.)

My life is a puzzle
and I spend it to find the pieces.

I lost myself
then the last piece found me.
What have I ever rightly done...
To deserve to see the fall valley on which I wished for so long to run?

My universe was left tangled
and the piece brought it together again.
I close my teary eyes and count to ten,
and the thoughts of unlimited comfort
the piece was always there to lend.

Resemble me, laughing with me
You have completed me.

My last piece, ceasing hunger and greed,
you fixed it, you changed it.
You are really all I need
and will forever have a place in my soul to fit.

If it is broken, I will not refuse to seek
My love, my life, my solutions.
If not in this life, then the next.
I will pine for my completion
then easy will come the rest.
... You accompany me in the world and everything makes sense.
You are the necessity hence
You will always be my partner in the eternal dance.

"You Made Me Forget" (A poem that I wrote to Jamil when we wrote poems back and forth to each other in school. He really did make me forget that it wouldn't be forever... Silly me...)

You made me forget what wasn't true
You made me forget the pain of missing you
Everything dissipates, flees into nothingness
You and I, in this void I long to be everlasting
Heated hands on my smooth back
Gentle arms rested on my slim hips,
Boiling passion radiating from our skin-
We dive into each others' hearts within.
The quickened beating creating a fantastic symphony
and crimson floods our innocent cheeks.
Our lips make it to their long-awaited meeting.
Breathe into me and give me life,
The perfect life with only you always-
The perfect lie as to the inevitable.
You made me forget that it won't be forever.

Consider the Suggestion <3 (A poem I wrote that means only to be cute in an adolescent, love-obsessed girl kind-of way. I like it.)

I have a question,
It is just a simple suggestion!
First I have other questions to ask
before the questionable suggestion can pass...

What do you want to do?
With your life, I mean... maybe a marriage?
A child or two?
What are you going to be?
In your future, I mean... maybe you'll be rich?
A career in psychology?
You must think that I am silly.

You don't have to answer...
Though it would be very nice.

Where do you want to live?
In another country...?
Maybe... With me?

Okay- I will ask the question,
that simple suggestion-
If you want to spend your life being happy,
could you spend the rest of your days...
With me?

"My King" (A poem referring to the cockiness of my past Love. It is unfinished because I thought it was coming along crappy.)

Strong, determined, clever thing.
He thinks he is the best-
He is my king.

The embodiment of hate,
My temple of love-
He is my sage.
Knee-deep in lies,
He is so very high above.

Do not hit me with words because I care
I appreciate that you are even there.
I beg you to love me like you do not
and you can hate me all you want.

"Lovers' Solitude" (An attempted sonnet written for my AP English class. The teacher said that the meter didn't matter. Anyhow, the 'place' is based on my favorite place on earth- which does exist. "Just beyond where the innocent dwell" is there because the place is through trees behind a school yard)

I would like to show you a place
A place far away from here.
Where the grass and trees dance with grace-
Where anxiety and theatrics disappear.
Just beyond where the innocent dwell,
Through the concealing brush I will lead.
It is a place where shy lovers tell
Of the darling hearts in theirs which they keep.
Lay with me on the shining emerald green-
Kisses as sweet as the summer sun
Because here we will never be heard or seen.
Please save me before reality comes.
Yes, Love, I wished thsi time with you was forever,
But this dream od a place will never exist- never.

"Because of You"

When I woke up
I stretched and yawned
and looked out at the dawn.
I wondered how this seemed so new
Tell me, dear, is it because of you?

I opened the door and stepped outside,
the trees beckoned me not to ever hide.
To feel the cool air surround me,
I smiled and thought modestly,
is it because of you?

Then I thought to myself,
Ive never been so happy to see the clear sky,
or to catch the gushes of wind as it blows by,
or to anticipate the sound of rainfall,
or to hear and listen to the birds' calls.
Is it because of you?

I started walking and all appalled and amazed me
I was floating with a newfound love,
A love the wise are forbidden to touch.
I've never pined for the name of a feeling before,
But then I find myself at your front door-
It's because of you.

"Bound" (The result of sexual frustration, folks! Yes, I am into a bit of this stuff. Don't hate.)

Moist, heavy breath falls onto her neck.
The merciless wolf has a craving
And he is in for an elaborate feast.
Willing, slightly reluctant and waiting
She is his hanging, blind prey,
Hushed for an agonizing duration.
His swift movements are at last heard,
His teeth are sharpened-
He is heading in for the kill...
It excites his need for flesh
When she lets go a loud, muffled shrill.
The rattle of the chains clanging
Is a sound she will never forget
Reminding that pain is so close to pleasure
Burning inside her as the violence begins.
A tickling, trickling down her navy-bruised legs
As he tore apart her teased, starved soul.
She is losing her voice, but he knows she begs-
She desperately begs for him to take her whole.

"The Doll" (The final cut)

I am here.

Gold and cerulean and apricot and lavender

were the colors that lit up your eyes

you wanted them all for yourself

Time quickly devoured the days that you chose me

It was a sublime ecstasy when I ruled your heart.

Through to the very end of the song....

Your hasty hault of this happiness...

Alone in the castle

On the soft wooden stool in the corner-

No elaborated, enhanced display of pastels,

Just that corner which I know so well.

It was the wintry air that seeped through those walls

the ice stuck and stiffened my skin

Warm rain picks me up and I sing for you...!

But my rosened blush has almost faded

and my eyes are no longer bright and full of speechless joy

and my brittle hair is falling out as the light makes its rounds.

I have climbed the mountain to call for you

and here your favorite dress was dirty and torn.

"I am here."

You are deaf for the safe bliss you have let my dust immerse me for.

"I am here."

My fleeting spring was never quite yours, you knew.

Instead you settled for her easy, betraying winter.

Washing over me-

the desire to be yours completely.

The idea of a warm love never existed...

An epiphany as a gray greeting is muttered to the dust.

The picture goes black and white

and I whisper farewell to your blinded soul.

I am to stay this way...!

"Death Was Thanked Greatly" (supposed to be comedic)

A widow in the dark
Mourning her lost life
Wiped away as chalk
Flew away as a kite
Dead eyes in the window
Peering at her in heavy spite
Outside he is an appologetic crow
Who cares not if he is wrong or right
Sickened with shock
She is ready to deny
A fading ache in her heart unlocked
A glimmer of joy in her eyes
It happened to be that her Lenor
Had made her life a magnificent bore

Jamil just told me he is moving to New York for good today. I wasn't sure what to do or say or feel. At least I got my ring back.
His cologne lingers on my clothes. Why do I suddenly feel so sad...? He was apart of my life for only ten months, but he managed to touch my soul more than anyone ever had. I need to go shopping. That might help a little..........

~Adrianna